Troy Kelly

Wow, how quickly things can change. From Port McNothing to Orange.

Orange is a town, and a colour, and a fruit - but today - I am talking about the town.

We just did our show last night at the Orange Civic Theatre - and wow does that place rock. Awesome venue, and most excellent staff. The two Peter’s rock, as does their floor crew. They got our truck unloaded and stage built in about 20 minutes, we got LX in and focused by 3 and everything was just fantastic. I even got FOH clearance at 8! on the fucking dot!

Anyway - I know I have only been really giving venues shit in here - but if you are touring a show - GO TO ORANGE. It is easy, they are professional and quite well equipped.

For coffee and good breakfast - go to “Time for Coffee” it’s on the main street type thing. They are fast and excellent too… All in all - Orange rocks.

The only down side - not so many cute boys to perv at

So - we went to Port Macquarie…

Oh my god, that place is just… well crap. We performed in what was described to us, very accuratly, as a barn.

Now, if you are ever in Port Macquarie and see the Civic Centre you might argue that it doesn’t actually look like a barn, this is accruate - it does indeed from the outside not look like a barn - however - i can only recommend that you look inside.

Again, the insides of the Civic Centre don’t look exactly like a barn, but it is “barn-esq” you will have to agree. However make a noise… This venue is just fucking ridiculous, it has a 5 second (best case) die time on reverb around the room and it is SO live…

“SO live” doesn’t describe it… it is just amazing this room just keeps on going and going and going…. and going… and … going … and going and going … and… going and.. (you get the idea).

It is impossible to use any sound reinforcement, let alone lound music and taps with percussion. But that wasn’t our only problem.

I had been trying to get in contact with the “venue manager” for a couple of weeks before we arrived. I left messages, sent smoke signals even a telex… (I can’t back up the last two - but I did leave messages - a lot of them).

I never had my call returned, all I wanted to know was what “Audio” the venue had and I wanted to get some more information about their “spotlights”. Their “audio” was a speaker with no drivers screwed to the P side wall, nothing else. No amp no nothing.

So, we had to hire something, to our rescue Effex Audio in Wauchope. They quoted $200 for the gear we needed for the night, so off we went for a drive. We got there changed to a smaller desk and when I asked how much - the price had risen to $285. I could tolerate this - he was getting us out of a hole, but it’s not professional - and is one of the reasons I am going to make it one of my life missions to make sure that EVERYBODY I have any contact with knows not to have anything to do with Effex - for the other reason - read on.

So we get back - get the rig in. Ben did an amazing job lighting it with the absoulute crap that he had to work with, and we did the show. The CD fucked up a couple of times because of our comm’s - but all went well.

Then… we bumped out. Effex had offered to have somebody pick up the rig, and we might slip them a couple of dollars. They were meant to be there at 10.

They arrived at 10.30 - that was ok - all their gear wasn’t ready untill then anyway - but once we got them packed - they asked for their “delivery fee”. Now, I am a resonable person, and normally - had I not been ripped off $85 a couple of hours before - I would have looked after them. So, I asked how much the “delivery fee” was. I was told it was $30 to $40. I almost fell over.

Once I regained my composure (it took several seconds), I enquired as to why they thought I should have to pay them a delivery fee. They informed me that I already knew about it and it was fine. I informed them that I was told I ~might~ slip them a ~couple~ of dollars, but I was most suprised and upset with the $30 to $40 fee.

Amazingly angry i walked to an ATM to get them some money. I gave them their money, asked for a tax invoice, which they could not provide - then informed them that they would need to post me one.

When I get some time next week I will talk to the local chamber of commerce for Wauchope and Port Macquarie and let them know what is going on, I will also inform both city councils and then I shall invoice our little friend.

How is it that Melbourne, Victoria - some would argue the ‘arts capitol’ of Australia does not have a staging hire company that can hire me hard topped (pine?) staging suitable for tapping.

I need nine 1200×1200 pieces to build a stage for an appearance on Good Morning Australia with Bert Newton next week - and do you think that a company in Melbourne has such a thing!?

If anybody knows - email me - PLEASE!

Well - some of you will say that my negativity towards the venue caused it… But - I would disagree. Nothing was pre-rigged when we got here, and we had to argue to get them to start rigging something resembling our rig after explaining that just because we have the show in the desk doesnt mean that we can just use their lights where they are.

On top of that - the venue manager is just plain difficult - it is part of our contract we are provided several things - including a phone line, we have had to argue and argue for all this crap.

For those of you that haven’t been following - I am in the Moncrieffe Theatre in Bundaberg, Queensland Australia.

If you are a produciton manager, lighting designer, producer, director, friends with somebody associated with theatre, walked past somebody who might have seen a play once or live on the planet earth - can I please emplore you to make sure that you tell everybody you know not to bring a show to this venue.

The venue itself if a projection theatre, which is fine - there are many multi purpose venues around, but here - the sight lines are crap. If you can get past this - it is an ok venue. The problem is and has always been (yes - I have been firmly screwed here before) the managment.

Managment and technical staff have absolutly no regard for performances / hirers using the venue, in our case the venue has purchased the show - and they are still making their life difficult. I am torn between to mind-sets.

Firstly, fuck ‘em - they want a shit show - fine - they get one. If they can’t be fucked making sure it looks good - not my problem.

Secondly - I am here to make sure the integrity of the show is high and that there is no disripute brought to those involved in the show, the producer, lighting designer, director etc

This is where I am stuck at the moment, if we get too close to curtain and I am not happy - I think I will pull the show - I can not allow this to be fucked over by some lasy fucking venue who just can’t give a shit and goes out of their way to make our lives difficult.

Ok sorry it’s been a little while - we did some press in Sydney that went really well - I was happy with it at any rate. We had a certain show pull out at the last minute that was annoying - but hey.

We did Maryborough last night - and holy crap does that place rock. The venue is just amazing and the tech staff are excellent. The load-in is a bit of an ass - but still - everybody helped so it was cool.

Thanks Brolga! you guys rock.

The show was excellent last night because of it too.

Anyway - driving to Bundaberg today it will be interesting to see how we go - this is the venue that bent us over and took us from behind with no warning last time… I am still hurting.

Ok, so I am writing this whilst eating cold bacon and eggs and drinking a cold coffee with REALLY cold toast and warm butter, so it may come out a little negative - but don’t let that affect your interpretation of the following.

The Longreach Civic and Cultural Centre is not.

Sorry - back to the food for one second, the bacon just made me almost vomit, twice - this is absolutly discusting. How could anybody make something I love so much do that to me - that is just rude - oh - and the toast, well - if you too would like to simulate the experience ben and I are having - get a large thick bit of cardboard, but some butter and orange marmalade on it - and bite… mmmm.. nice isn’t it?

Now… back to the “venue”

Right, so - we arrive at the “venue” and notice that the “venue” doesn’t have a “loading dock” or even a fucking “door” onto the stage. There was nobody there to meet us, and not a seat in the room, just a big… empty…. “venue”.

So then, we looked up….

The “venue”’s front of house for both LX and Sound was… well… the same as the FOH for the patrons, essentially non-existant. There were a couple of side FOH bars with a lamp or two (well - three) and two very small Peavy something or other piss ant car type speakers mounted on the wall so fucking high that they didn’t even have a chance at filling the front. Anyway, what I am trying to say here is, there was really nothing FOH.

Then, the “venue” “manager” arrived. Please, do not get me wrong, he was terrific he helped us unload, got us some cold town water and gave me the padlock for the council gate for when we finished (yes, we had to lock up the “venue” ourselvs)

We found out that the extent of their tech was already hanging, but the Mayor did have a PA for outdoor address’ - which we used as stage fill and FOH - it sat behind cat and dane.

Anyway - ben and I and the “venue” “manager” carted in the fake stage, the rosi and everything else through their “loading dock” (an emergency exit at the OP side of the “venue” at audience height basically of to the edge of the stage). It was a good 10m to the stairs up to the stage then onto the stage - what I am trying to say here is it was a cunt of a load in.

Then, we did the show. It was… good.

Then - we bumped out, it was… LONG… and fucking horrible.

We finished at quarter past one, our latest yet (yay) and now we have to drive to.. um.. capella or something and do it again. oh boy, am I fucked.

While I have you, what I said before about Alpha still stands, that place is an asshole of a town and… do not go there, make sure you understand that.

I am serious - do not visit Alpha!

Ok, I am in some butt- nowhere town called “Alpha”. Everything here closes at 7, exept for this “cafe” (VERY loose use of the word) that we are currently in.

We have ordered some pizza’s and they are taking 20 minutes, so Ben had a smoke and that only took two minutes, so we checked the back of the van - full of dust - but all ok… so we came back inside… OH MY GOD - an internet Kiosk!

It is a “WebPoint” Kiosk, nice shiney covered in some crap somebody spilt on it - but I can get over that - it’s the internet!

Now, the problems. This thing doesn’t support SSL, strange port numbers, ActiveX anything - so I can’t ACTUALLY do anything - except rant about it in my blog, which appears to work.

WebPoint can be contacted on 1800 150 501 - should you wish to call them and tell them how their product is - please feel free. Over the next couple of weeks, I am going to call them using different voices and complain every chance I get.

I think our “Pizza’s” are ready in the “Cafe” now so I am going to go… and I am almost out of time.

DO NOT GO TO ALPHA!

Sorry it has been a while, I have been a little bit busy, and tired.

The first week has gone well - and now we are in Charters Towers. I am not sure what to expect when I get to the venue today. But there is something odd about Charters, they have an amazing pride for their city. Everything is “The World” or “Golden City” etc

Anyway - The first couple of shows were good. Our review in Towsville was amazing - I will post it here when I get a copy. Cairns was our biggest house yet and the show was great.

I *promise* I will put some pics here as soon as I get a chance.

Well - it’s 6.55 the morning after our first show. I am tired, as I have not slept well, but I will get to that, I am a little grumpy, and quite a bit hungry. I just want to have a shower and relax… but first - the show.

Everything went really well - the venue staff at the Nambour Civic Centre were amazing. If you are ever doing a tour - go to Nambour - the staff there rock. They helped with the load in and out, they helped pack the truck, they were just plain amazing.

Ben did an awesome job of getting most of the show plotted before we got up (yes, I said most of the show - this was our first proper run- the rest he ran live off our desk - a Jangs HOG 250). And everything we looking great untill a couple of the boys went off to play soccer in the CarPark.

A few minutes after leaving for soccer, SimonW came to me to tell me he had hurt his ankle, but would be fine. A few minutes later, he came to me to let me know it wouldn’t be… Lukily MarkH was with us and he definantly saved the day. He perfomed brilliantly and we are all very proud of him.

The show overall was a sucsess I am pleased with our work, we got out quite quickly (considering I can’t really pack with my injured foot) and then got back to the accom around 12.

(This is where I get angry)

A friend of the producer has kindly leant us their holiday home. Quite nice house, many beds etc, but not enough for everybody - so most of us have to share. And no ‘facilities’ to speak of - no towels, cups, etc etc

I want a shower and a decent sleep! So today, as we are in Nambour for another night, my mission is to find a cheap hotel.